Time heals all wounds, as long as healing is sought.
Got an invitation to connect with college friends; was excited, then retracted my response. Several of them probably won’t come if I attend. I truly do not want to ruin their reunion.
I was horrible in those days; focused on one relationship that was not a healthy one. My life spun out of control and it was by the grace of God that I came out to be who I am today. I was mean, disregarding of their friendship, and truly did not deserve to continue to be included with those who do include me on their Christmas list.
Worth is a strange thing. We place value on our own actions. We know the depth of difficulty or ease with which we communicate with others. We know the emotional investment we are or are not making. It is on these things that we base our sense of worth. Others are, however, often completely unaware of the investment, or lack thereof, we are making.
They know the worth they offer us based on those same personalized gauges of investment.
When they don’t match, it makes a horrendous clashing of worldviews. Painful. Clarifying and at the same time bloodying the whole interaction with uncertainty and tensions.
I hope there is, has been, will be forgiveness for my wretchedness. God forgives me, yet I want more. Greedy, hunh?
These are good people to whom I was a complete poo.
Anyway, healing must be sought, the incidences examined, their pain let go of or their scars revealed to determine the soreness of them still.
Just some Monday thoughts.